In my experience, these “lessons” have always occurred during major transitions in my life. Graduations, relationships, new jobs, marriage, deaths, childbirth...and, most recently, my divorce. Always when I’m at my most vulnerable...and, probably, my most “crazy”.
Times when loved ones take it as a prime opportunity to counsel me in just how flawed I am. Now...maybe I’m being too harsh. Perhaps it’s my over-sensitivity at the time that contributes to my feelings of persecution. Or. Using my divorce experience as an example...maybe they’re telling me that it was my flaws and fallibilities that, in fact, caused the divorce. While they are doing their best to help me pull my head out of my ass...after over a decade of (apparently) wearing it as a hat...all of the “support” has virtually created a whole new perception of my Self.
Ah, yes. The bitter Truth. Brought to us by loving bystanders. Which isn’t to infer or, for Pete’s sake...PROJECT, any of my own insecurities in the form of resentment upon these Dear Ones.
REFLECTION. “Hmm. Wow. Oh. Interesting point of view.” (Disclaimer: May take even longer than Revelation...)
RECOGNITION. “Love. Truth. Understanding. Purity.” (Disclaimer: Uh...Yeah. May NEVER happen...)
Our loved ones can contribute to this process. But. I have found that it’s important to be able to distinguish (...or, weed out...) what actually constitutes “counseling” on their behalf...or what is their own mis-interpretations (read insecurities, jealousies and anger...) and un-truths. This is the difficulty. Especially being me. I believe EVERYONE. And, it’s only recently (say...the last five or so years...) that I’ve begun to realize that not EVERYONE who has an opinion of me (or my situations...) or advice (regarding my situations or behavior...) even LIKES me!
So. Let me make this a little bit more clear.
It could be that some of those I’ve considered my “loved ones” and “friends” over the years...really aren’t.
And probably more likely.
I’m not the real issue. It’s a projection of their own unhappiness or insecurities.
Okay. So...I didn’t come up with the last one myself. I actually DO have loved ones that know how to make me feel better.
The biggest difficulties have been in my interpretation of scrutiny...particularly by people who don’t know me nearly as well as they think they do.
Being a woman with a strong personality and confidence has, often times, made me the outcast. It’s like I put myself on stage to be ridiculed. I was the loudest mom on the football field...always...cowbell in hand. Lacking sophistication (supposedly), intellect (ha!), and composure (like I said...) I inspired criticism through my audacity. The year my son is out due to an injury is the year I hear the “truth”...
On the other hand, some friends have humbly called me on my REAL shit. Like my tendencies of offering opinions and advice unsolicited. My strong “deliveries” get mistaken as “un-arguable”. So. Let me just clear this up here and now: “Friends and loved ones, allow me to offer my deepest apologies for ever having you feel I wouldn’t hear your “side”. That is completely wrong. I am very open minded (albeit, mouthy...) and, from here on out, want to INVITE you to join me in DIALOGUE regarding all issues...even politics, parenting, religion, sexuality and gender.”
Yoga. Strong personality + Energy = Non Zen. Yup. For this I will not apologize. Ever. Because, after all...our teachers encourage authenticity.
My strength is not to be mistaken as intimidation. If I wanted to intimidate anyone, I’d go all Ninja-Killer on their ass (just kidding...sorta.)
My confidence is not to be mistaken for arrogance. It is simply my willingness to be real...and sometimes that means real goofy....and...somewhat NON p.c....with the inference that swearing like a sailor does not make me a bad person...and because I’ve lived “alternative lifestyles” (...not everyone knows I’ve kissed a girl...;)...I CAN.
Be non p.c. that is. :D
The Truth is in here. Me. Self. That’s the Recognition.
It’s in all of us...(trite, I know...)
All we gotta do is get through the Revelation and Reflection. Good luck.